My husband is a pilot and was away at training for a month when he started at his new company. At the time, our son was 2.5, almost 3. I had just become a stay at home mom (thank goodness!) and my husband was gone for training for 26 days the month of January.

First a 9 day stretch, back home for 3 days (+ 2 travel days) then away again for 16 days.

For me, the anticipation of him leaving was almost worse than the first week that he was gone. I was so anxious and nervous about being on my own for over a week with a toddler.

Here are some things that helped and that I would suggest to anyone else in this situation:

1. Have your husband do as much as possible before he leaves.

Have him show you where the water and electrical shut offs are, what day to put the trash out, and anything else your husband handles. Honestly, there wasn’t much for us I didn’t already know so it wasn’t much different. But if there’s any projects you want him to do before he leaves, like changing the air filters, anything that might involve a ladder…have him do that before he leaves. Or if there’s anything you want to do by yourself like beauty appointments, do it before he leaves.

2. Disposable plates, silverware, and cups

I stocked up on disposable plates, forks, and cups to cut down on the dishes I would have to do while he was gone. We are having issues with our dishwasher anyways, so this might not be helpful for you, but it certainly was for me! Throwing away plates after a meal was much easier than washing dishes.

3. Schedule childcare

Our son goes to a MDO program a few days a week so I have “me time” during the day to go to doctor’s appointments, get my nails done, or just relax or do projects at home without my son around. We were never interested in full time daycare, but the half day preschool program he is in has been so good for us. If you don’t have that in your area, find a babysitter or ask family/friends to get some time to yourself.

Joining a gym with childcare is also a game changer! We go to LifeTime Fitness and they allow 2.5 hours per day of childcare. You can work out, eat in the cafe, swim, take a class, sit in the sauna or hot tub, work on your computer, or even get a massage or your hair done in the spa!

4. Schedule adult time with friends

Going over to a friend’s house just for a change of pace was so good for my mental health and to talk to another adult while my husband was away! I also plan a monthly meetup with moms in my neighborhood, but try to do those when my husband is in town so I don’t have to pay for childcare.

5. Easy food

I made lots of crockpot meals, air fryer, frozen meals, etc. If you have the budget, get your groceries or food delivered. We used Instacart and Doordash when my son was a newborn and that was a lifesaver! Click here for $15 off your first 2 Instacart orders.

I eat mostly gluten free and dairy free, so I like to do a crockpot chicken (BBQ or salsa verde sauce) and then shred it and use it for sweet potatoes, burrito bowls, nachos, quesadillas for my son, etc. We did air fryer chicken tenders and fries a few nights. Whatever is easiest is best for me!

I have more meal prep ideas on my blog post about outsourcing here.

6. Girly time

After I put my son to bed, I would try to do something to fill my cup that I couldn’t always do when my husband was here. Things like taking a bubble bath, listening to a podcast, watching a rom com or reality TV show, eating girl dinner, tidying up the house the way I like it, or just enjoying the quiet house and going to bed whenever I wanted.

TV shows/movies to watch:

• Legally Blonde
• How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
• The Devil Wears Prada
• House Bunny
• Real Housewives
• Southern Charm
• The Bachelor
• To All the Boys I Loved Before
• The Summer I Turned Pretty
• Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Making the Team

7. Get out of the house

Plan activities out of the house – even if it’s just going to the drive thru or getting a coffee! Bonus if it’s going to do an activity. I took my son to a movie at a theater, a gymnastics class, to the park with friends, and had friends over a few times. Any social interaction whether it’s a new environment or having friends over – anything to interrupt the routine day to day will feel better for everyone.

8. Outsource help

I have a Mother’s Helper who comes occasionally to help fold laundry, do dishes, tidy up, organize, or anything else I need help with. If you have the budget for a housekeeper, do it. Outsource as much as possible!

If you have friends who are willing to help with dinner or childcare, or just offering a play date, do it. As long as it’s less stress on you and won’t create more work for you, of course.

Read my blog post on outsourcing after this!

9. Communication

Communication while my husband was away was crucial to still feel connected. We would send each other videos, text throughout the day, and FaceTime every day. If he had training at night, he would send a video for me to play for my son to tell him goodnight.

My husband also set up a shared calendar with his training schedule (which varied quite a bit day to day) so that we could see what he was doing and it helped with the time change for us to communicate around bedtime.

10. Self care

Do some things that make you happy! For me, that was buying fresh flowers at Trader Joe’s that made me happy to see on the table. Get some fun snacks, read your favorite book, make a fun drink, pick up a hobby or craft to do at nights, or have an at home spa night after your little one goes to bed.

11. Have fun

Loosen the reigns a bit and try to have fun with your kid(s)! I set up a pallet in our living room one night and we watched a movie and had fun snacks. I definitely bumped Jett’s bedtime up to between 7:00-7:30 (it was 8-9 when Spencer got home late from his previous job) and that gives me a couple hours to tidy up the house, shower, and watch a show before I go to bed. I try to make sure I’m doing things to fill my cup and then things to keep my son happy to mitigate tantrums and have an easier time.

In all honesty the 2nd half of his training was pretty hard on me. The first 9 days were great! I loved having my own time, going to the park with my son, and we knew he was coming home the next week and had that to look forward to.

But when he left the second time, it was for over double the amount of time and it was hard. On top of that, there was a freeze in Texas so I had to drip all of our faucets and showers and make sure nothing froze, it was too cold to do anything outside, and it was a bit depressing. AND I somehow got the flu, and I was trying to potty train. Having friends flake on me when I thought we had plans wasn’t cool, and it was just a rough few weeks, but we survived.

Bedtime was a big adjustment and the time of day Jett would be really sad and say he wanted daddy. I bought a “hug a hero” doll with a picture of Spencer to help with missing daddy at bedtime. Jett sleeps with him and it helped the transition. It took a few weeks/months of having meltdowns at bedtime but he is ok now and we are in a good routine. Get your “daddy doll” here.

I had planned to visit my husband at training when he was in California, but we had already agreed to dog sit for a neighbor, and the dates just didn’t work out. If you can, you could go out and visit during training (although you don’t want to distract your pilot from studying) or you could go on your own trip to visit grandparents if it would help. With us being sick and then having a dog sitting job lined up, it just didn’t work out this time.

Having a traveling husband can be lonely, and having a child changes the dynamic quite a bit! By the time my son goes to bed I am so tired I don’t really want to talk to anyone, but at the same time I feel lonely but don’t quite have the energy to go do anything or have anyone over.

This may sound cheesy, but I saw this bracelet when I was out shopping before Spencer left and decided to buy it as a reminder that I can do hard things! Click here for the bracelet.

Being a pilot wife or having a husband who travels extensively for work is something very few people will understand, but it’s important to find your tribe of people who can relate. As I’m fairly new to this life, I hope to share more about our experience and help other families in similar situations.

I made a cute welcome home basket when my husband got home from training with a few of his favorite snacks and drinks.

It’s definitely survival mode during training, but I keep telling myself this is temporary, and will be a blip on the radar when looking at the year as a whole. Once he gets to his scheduled rotation we will get into a better routine. If you have a traveling husband, or your partner is about to be away at training for awhile, I hope these tips helped out!